Remember the adage "Curiosity killed the cat"?. In my case, my curiosity caused my laptop to crash! You see, I was having problems with the upgraded Yahoo Mail. Whenever I open my inbox, it hangs me up, and I have to sign out and sign back in again. It's soooo irritating. A friend told me it might be because I have an older version of Internet Explorer. So, I went trigger happy in the web, trying to find a downloadable version of IE. After downloading, it gave me an error message that it wasn't successful. Some files were not updated (or something to that effect). I turned off my laptop and voila, the next day, it won't even boot anymore!!!!! A friend tried to resolve my problem but it was irreversible I guess. It was looking for so many missing files that copying them one by one would probably take us forever. The diagnosis - reformat my laptop!

Since I have had my computer for almost 4 years, I decided I am in need of a new one anyway. As soon as I found something I fancied, I immediately bought it (without thinking twice). I told my husband about my frustrations last night, and I believe I have his approval to buy a new one. So, I am writing my latest blog using this new laptop!

Lesson learned - never irritate a woman because our answer to that - shopping!!!! And boy, we can splurge when we're in the state of frustration.

Well, so much for planning to go to the gym in an attempt to "unstress" myself. I told myself I was going to logoff at 4:30, take my trek to the gym, and work out for at least 45 minutes. After my 4pm meeting, I had a few follow-ups to do, a number of teammates needing something, and was being given heads-up that the migration I've been waiting for all day is on it's way to our group inbox. I ended up leaving the office at past 6pm!

On my way home, I received a text from my husband that gave me a chuckle. He told me to be careful, eat well when I get home, watch a little TV, give him a call before I go to bed, then I can call it a day. What's funny is, I thought my scheduled tasks were only limited to what I do at work. You see, I have to follow a certain schedule, armed with my to-do list daily, or I'll never accomplish anything. Everyday becomes a challenge not to lose sight of what I needed to do for the day. It's like being pulled in ten different directions most of the time. So, a friend at work even teased me that with this big a release, I'm feeling stressed because I'm trying to take on everything. Well, I have a reputation for that, even from a long time ago.

The B*tch in Me

I'm being a b*tch lately, what with a bad case of PMS, add to that the stress at work, then being far away from my husband again. I think it's enough to drive anyone to the brink. I feel like a hurricane wreaking havoc to anyone who comes near me, or who dares to piss me off.

While talking to my husband last night, I asked him if I could come home for good because it's tough to be away from him really. He told me that I can always pack my bag and come home if I wanted to, and leave everything I've worked so hard for. That brought me back to reality.

All my life, I have made a lot of sacrifices - for my family, for my loved ones, and now, for my future children. I sometimes feel I'm tired and I'm ready to call it quits. But, I'm not known to quit, and never in my life had I ran away from challenges.

In today's gospel, the Lord has challenged us to carry our own Crosses and follow Him if we truly love Him. I felt guilty for almost giving up on mine. True, it's tough, and I sometimes feel I'm on this on my own. That's not true because God is with me. I fail to see Him there because I was too busy and too proud to carry it alone.

June 12 (Philippine Independence) is way past, and I just remembered this post I wrote on my journal while in Manila. This entry was written on April 21, 2004.

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Corregidor, a Symbol of Freedom

We left Manila en route to historic Corregidor. The tour took us to World War II ruins, remnants of bombed out structures, and to artilleries used during the war to ward off Japanese soldiers entering Manila Bay. Corregidor served as the Philippines' bastion against the invaders.

Walking down the rugged path, we somehow got a taste of history. We can walk freely without worrying about enemies shooting us to death, stray bullets or granades flying by - thanks to those who fought and gave up their dear lives to ensure we'd enjoy what today brings. It stirred in me a deep sense of patriotism that have long been put to sleep.

We enjoyed the island's serenity as we were the only guests who stayed overnight. We'd sometimes scare ourselves talking about ghosts and restless spirits in Corregidor. Fortunately, we never experienced nor felt anything paranormal.

The sunset at Battery Grubbs was amazing. The sunrise equally breathtaking at Eternal Flame in Topside. I cannot help but stand in awe of God's majestic creation.

Thank you Corregidor - for making us realize the value of our freedom and the precious price our ancestors paid for it.

Un-stressing stress....

I have only been back to work for a little less than a month but I feel spent already. From the time I came back, I burried my nose into reading materials so I could catch up on what I've missed while on vacation. I was given the huge responsibility of leading the October install testing effort. October release is the biggest our company has ever seen - with 18 projects impacting our systems, 25 QA staffs, 19000+ manhours!!!! No wonder I feel stressed.

My husband sent tips on how to identify if one is stressed, and how to un-stress yourself. Most of it applies to me. I'm irritable these past few days, snapping at anyone who crosses my path, even for petty reasons. I always feel exhuasted. Coming home, I don't feel like doing anything else except maybe to go to bed. Maybe I ought to follow the tips to un-stress myself like dragging myself to the gym to restore my energy level. It proved effective before.

I go to work to attend meetings almost all day. I try to squeeze in some work in between (if I ever had one). I try to help everyone else. I try to stay on top of issues so when my boss asks, I always have a ready answer. I have to keep track of everyone's progress. I am expected to be politically correct most of the time. Worse, since I am unable to finish work during office hours, I have to do it on weekends.

I'm not complaining. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I somehow welcome the diversion. It keeps me away from feeling depressed, and from a sudden bout of loneliness.

A busy mind is a healthy mind... I just hope I can keep my body as healthy too.