Our Life in Words and Photos

On tying the knot and having kids...

A couple of years or so ago, I was plagued by the never-ending question – “when are you getting married? You’re not getting any younger you know” or “your biological clock is ticking girl – better get yourself a man”. Of course I was bothered! Seven years ago, if I was asked that question, I’d simply shrug it off and say “I’m immensely enjoying my life, and I don’t need a husband to make me feel that”.

To me, marriage isn’t something you look for. It comes to you when the time is perfect, and when the person whom you would declare your undying love is right. I wasn’t ready then to get married because I have a lot of things that I wanted to do with my life. I do not want to get married and find myself that later, as I grow old, I’d regret not having followed my dreams. I hate to sour-grape. I wanted to grow old and be able to tell amazing stories to my grandchildren – places I’ve seen, things I was able to do, people I was able to meet, challenges I was able to face and overcome. I wanted to grow and prepare myself for a life of commitment and responsibilities.

At 28, my grandma started to nag on me to get married. She was afraid that I’d end up an old maid. It was then that I knew that the time is right – not because she was nagging at me, but because I know I was ready. So when Clifford finally expressed his intention, I happily said yes. It was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I cannot begin to imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else but him. I love and adore my husband immensely. I cannot even imagine that I have the ability to love like this.

Now that we’re married, the questions became different. It’s no longer about when we’re getting married, but rather when we’re going to have children. Of course we want to have kids. It’s not as if we’re not trying. We just see it as God’s way of telling us “it’s not the right time yet”. Whatever the reasons are, we believe in our hearts that God knows of a perfect time. It’s just painful how people would ask sometimes. I just wish they’d be sensitive to how they’d feel if they’d walk a mile in our shoes.

There’s an article I read that got through to me – “a woman shouldn't be measured by her ability to bear children. Likewise, it doesn't make her less of a woman just because she can't have or she opted not to have kids”. For me, it’s not just meant for women per se, it’s meant for the couple in general.

Lastly, I married my husband not just because he could give me kids, and I believe he married me not because I can bear children. We married each other because we wanted to grow old together. We married each other because we couldn’t imagine living with anyone else. We married each other because of love… And you couldn't find a better reason that that.